View from India: 700 Shades of Brown

by Parvathi

M looked at herself in the mirror. All she saw was her dark skin. She did not see the enormous eyes and winged eyebrows. She wanted to be fair like the others in the family---"Why am I so dark?" she agonized looking at her darkness thrown up in relief by the light blue cotton dress. She tore at the sleeve in a rage and then froze thinking of the explanations she would have to offer. Anger welled up in the small chest and she planted a few punches on the window grill, her mouth open in a silent scream.

Everyone remarked on the color of her skin--- just everyone! Even the house helps: "What a pity this one is dark," they clucked in sympathy, chucking her under her chin. "How are we going to find you a husband, little one?" they would ask as she tagged along behind them for want of company.

She was the youngest, and she was dreadfully lonely. Her nieces and nephews were almost her age. They were all very light skinned---M saw only that. Oh the unfairness of it all! Once her niece tripped up to her in a black dress with butterfies printedon it. M loved that dress1 "What a lovely dress,P!" she said feeling the silky texture with her fingers, "where did you buy it?"

"My father's present when he came back from his tour!" sang P skipping around M. "Do you want to borrow it?"

M was in heaven. "Can I?" she asked thrilled. "Of course!" said P and promptly peeled off the dress standing there in her slip. M ran behind the mango tree and tried on the dress.

"How does it look on me P?" she asked excitedly. P burst into peals of laughter and ran around her pointing her finger at M.

"Look at M! Look at M!" she said loudly in her high pitched voice. People came out of the house and were aghast at what they saw: M standing there wearing P's dress, all askew, and P hysterically dancing around her.

"She wanted to wear my dress! Look how it looks against her dark skin! She looks like the maid's daughter!" P's cheeks were flushed pink and she ran up to M and stood with her rosy cheeks against M's nut brown one. "Don't I look better than her?" she asked with the cruel vanity of a child.

M's eyes filled with tears," I hate you!" she hurled at P and pushed her down, and ran sobbing inside tugging and tearing at the dress.

What a fuss they made over P! "Why did you allow M to take your nice new dress?" "Against her dark skin, why she looked clownish!"

"Come little one, let me wash you and get you another dress to wear."

M sat huddled under the cot in her room and sobbed miserably. Her mother came looking for her. "M! where are you, child?" she heard the tiny sob come from under the cot. she bent down and saw the little form all bunched up, sobbing her heart out,wearing that dress with the butterfly print. "Come my little one," her mother said gathering her in her arms, "It will all pass. Everything will be alright."

"Never!" said M choking on her words. "No one will ever love me because I am so dark!"

"Hush", said mother. "That is nonsense. You will know that in time."

But M , looking past her mother 's shoulder with teary eyes, saw nothing but shame and sadness.

"No one will ever love me!" she repeated to herself.

In India, I read somewhere, they recognize seven hundred shades of brown ----in skin color.