Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Raise High the Roof-Beam, Carpenters

The only thing that the Left and the Right actually agree on is that growth alone will fix the economy. From there on, however, their approaches differ. Whereas the Left favors opening wide the back doors of the armored truck and heaving fistfuls of dollars out into the street, the Right says it’s time to keep the trucks locked up at the depot. This fundamental difference also colors our approach to foreign policy. As liberals are presently in charge of nearly everything, consider the following likely conversation between our State Department and the PA regarding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict:

U.S. State Department: “We want you to reach a peace agreement with Israel during this term of the Obama administration. What would it take for you to accomplish this?”

PA: “Impossible. We do not recognize the existence of the Jewish State.”

U.S.: “We will give you money - as much as you want. And we will give you more afterwards to help make you into the most prosperous nation on earth.”

PA: “We will take your money, but we will only buy guns and knives so we can slit the throats of the Israeli Jews.”

U.S.: “So you see, we’re making progress. You now recognize that there actually are Israeli Jews. We will give you an initial down payment and much more after you agree to come back to the table for further negotiations.”

Or, imagine our conversation with the King of Saudi Arabia:

U.S.: “We will give you money so that you will keep the oil flowing to Europe and America.”

SA: “We have more than enough money. Money means nothing to us. Another Rolls Royce or two will not make a difference. We already have plenty. These only serve to remind us that we are nothing. We do not produce Rolls Royces. It does not improve our self-esteem to drive them. It is you who should feel proud for having produced what is arguably the finest land vehicle the world has ever known. We, on the other hand, simply use them as we would toilet paper.

“We produce nothing. We have no skills, no imagination - only resources. It is these resources - our resources - with which you spin your magic: building great industries and communication networks, creating timeless art and philosophies, etc. We simply allow you to pump oil out of our wells. Although you pay us handsomely, it’s only money, which is essentially worthless to us because we do nothing to earn it.”

U.S.: “But we’re prepared to pay you even more.”

SA: “Save it. It will help neither us nor you. You have done more than enough to inflict us with a fatal case of ‘Dutch disease’ (as defined by your own economists). The only way we will be helped is for us to destroy you. Because every day you continue to exist on this, our shared, planet reminds us of our humiliation before God.

“We have therefore decided to pronounce everything you do as evil. And thus we have discovered our power over you. We are now in the position to drain the very blood from your veins. And only this (by the grace of Allah) will restore our self-esteem and bring us back to some semblance of life. In other words, we must kill you.”


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