Stop Punishing Us!!!

Let's see now if I can follow this: Because we aren't allowed to 'profile', every airline passenger must be viewed as a potential suicide bomber; and air passengers, are therefore expected to sacrifice that uniquely American convenience of being innocent until proven guilty. This approach is already flawed because, clearly, not everyone is a terrorist – please excuse me, I forgot for a moment that we aren’t allowed to use that word anymore. Let’s substitute ‘terrorist’ with the old Cherokee term, ‘one who smells of explosive substances’. Let’s continue…

Since it is impractical to screen every passenger, we must go by the numbers. This means, we screen every tenth (or any number) person. If the tenth person happens to be a four-year old child, or a 97-year old grandmother - or, heaven forbid, a 23-year old Caucasian male - these folks will be pulled from the line for special attention (from now on surely to include a rectal exam by a certified government health professional as well).

By the same token, if the eighth person in line happens to be a guy named Mohammed who’s on the terror list (there goes that banned word again – I guess, the list , by extension cannot be said to exist either), paid for his one-way ticket with cash at the airport, has no luggage or passport, and has wires sticking out of his shoes, we can’t touch him because (1) he’s not the tenth person (and we wouldn’t want to be sued if it turns out that he’s not planning anything). And (2) he’s obviously not white and we wouldn’t want to be seen as being racist. In fact, it’s been quite permissible in the past to bend the rules a bit in this situation, for, even if he happens to be the tenth person, we’re allowed to pretend he’s #11 or 9. As a person of color, he wouldn’t understand the self-imposed hoops we're required to jump through – and we wouldn’t want to offend, after all.

What to do? Profile! Use your brains!! Use your common sense!!! Realize we’re at war with these people!!!! Stop punishing us for what they do!!!!! Damn it!!!!!!